Laksa-Laksang Lagusan

curiosity on elections

2007-04-15T18:27:00.000+08:00

i was studying in jest the different political advertisements while peering from our car window on the way to lucban, quezon for our annual vacation. it continues to make me wonder how much money were spent on posters, tarpaulins, "volunteer" campaign supporters, at the expense of P3 per voter.

According to the new COMELEC memorandum (dated I don't know), each candidate is allowed to spend at a maximum of 3 pesos per voter. Imagine how many millions of voters we have and how much money they are allowed to spend. By the latest SWSurvey, the candidate who has spent the biggest amount is Prospero Pichay (at a whopping amount of P12 million). When interviewed, he mentioned something like, "it is not even enough to make his face and name known all over the country." Naman.

Again, i was studying things in jest, out of boredom perhaps. I was looking carefully at the different posters and laughed at how Photoshop can do wonders. A candidate running for a mayoralty post here in our town looked 30 years younger his original age --- sans wrinkles and white hair. Two posters when put side by side will confuse the voters if they find out that the two posters are campaigning for the same congressman in Quezon. There are also very catchy nicknames for which I wonder if these nicknames reflect their character (or platform) such as "Boy Bolok", "Exotik", and "Goma".

One will have to wonder how much candidates are willing to spend to be in power but not on the major problems of the country. If twelve million pesos is not enough for one person to be in power, then how much will it be left to create more employment opportunities, better health care systems, quality education, and environmental protection? These issues cannot be photoshopped nor can be replaced by catchy nicknames. These are REAL issues whose faces are longing for REAL answers.

I asked my brother why he did not register for the upcoming elections (he will be 18 years old by April 18.) He told me nonchalantly that there are no candidates worthy of his vote. I silently disagree with him, because there are still, I believe, people, when given the opportunity, with great potential in order to serve the common good.

Of course, we have to be wise in choosing these people. Meron diyan binigyan na nga ng oportunidad, sinayang pa. meron naman diyan walang definite na plataporma. At meron naman diyan na ginagamit ang kasikatan para makakuha ng boto.

Well, at least in fairness, the political advertisements on TV are more creative and in a sense catchy this year.

Job Hunt

2007-01-23T20:17:00.000+08:00

This week is Job Fair Week, probably the most important week for seniors who aspire to fulfill their dreams through their dream jobs. There are quiet a number of companies offering call center work and pharmaceutical-based jobs, not to mention IT-related work.

Actually, I have started my job hunt since the first week of January. As many students search for jobs this week, I, on the other hand, begin submitting my application forms. My principle is that the early bird gets the worm...or at least have a big probability of getting a piece of the worm.

I also applied for Ateneo High School, my second home for four years for which I am most grateful for. I applied for a teaching position (that I have been praying over for months, and vying for years!)

Anyway, as I went into the lobby, i saw my old arts teacher reading a newspaper on the sofa. She recognizes me (after giving her a hint about my name), and was really bubbly when she learned why I was there.

mam: magtuturo ka dito? wow! sabi na nga ba e...
me: ha? mam, what do you mean?
mam: you know, high school pa lang, you are already showing some teaching skills.
me: (surprised) wow...really?
mam: yeah! what subject are trying to apply for ba?
me: umm...social studies po...i really love (world) history kasi e.
mam: ah talaga? why don't you apply in my department (arts department)? you can teach art history! i will recommend you kung gusto mo!
me: (blushing) wow...omg. thanks mam! i will try first if there are any vacancies in the social studies department.
mam: oh sure! make sure to put arts as one of your preferences...kahit pang number-4 lang! omg, i'm so happy you are applying....

i also found out that she was recently promoted as the department chairperson of the arts department. wow. double wow.

i also met my old english teacher as i wait for the secretary in the lobby. ganun din ang result ng conversation namin, puro encouragements, and of course, persuasion to join their department. i politely declined because i am not proficient in speaking in english. napapa-ingles lang ako kapag galit na ako o parang feel ko lang mag-ingles o gusto kong magpaimpress ng judges (our formidable idiosyncracies in our product include...). I do write in English, but I need someone (always) to proofread eveything from the capitalization to grammar to the smallest punctuation. I do adore reading novels and literature written in English, but I still felt that I am not capable of teaching it to students (because the last time I did it during one summer, I infused it with philosophy and social studies which became more baffling and confusing.)

today, i checked the website of the ateneo, and to my delight, the ateneo high school has posted job vacancies. Wow. Three good signs, for which I all took as a good omen.

Sipag, tiyaga, at isang malaking pananampalataya. Yan ang bitbit ko habang isinasakatuparan ang trabahong ninanais ko. :)

rantations

2007-01-15T14:19:00.000+08:00

bakit may mga tao na mahilig magsuot ng maskara? Matapos mangyari ang dapat mangyari, unti-unting natatanggal sa kanyang mukha ang maskarang kay tagal isinusuot.

At the outset, you really look beautiful, but what happened, i do not know whether to trust you anymore. To be specific, how could you treat us this way, ngayong alam mo na ang totoong sentimyento ng karamihan? Hindi ba't ito na ngayon ang pagkakataon para ikaw ay makapagmuni muli at tignan kung paano ka pwedeng mag-improve?

OKs lang sanang wag mo na kaming pansinin. Wag ka lang sanang mandamay ng ibang inosente at siraan kami sa aming likod.

sheesh. The stench of your rotting heart seeps its way to unmask your outer beauty.

to patrick

2007-01-08T14:33:00.000+08:00

hello. long time no see. for almost two years na rin kita hindi nakikita. so how is winter wonderland? im sure you are having a terrific time with your new life: a new home, a new school, new friends perhaps. i barely remember your face because according to your recent letters, you have already grown twice as large. all i could remember is your voice.

thanks for the greetings. im sure you have appreciated the thing i sent you, at least something from the philippines for once. and im sure you were delighted to have read my contribution. do you know that you were the first person i talked to about this great opportunity? haha. and now, i am on my way to fulfilling my dreams.

pat, your recent message seems to be a depressed one. does friendship have to end with the existence of distance? pat, with distance all the more it challenges the two of us to make our relationship as friends even closer. if we indeed desire to become the best of friends, likie we used to when we were in high school, then let us struggle to be one with the new found friends that we already have. treat others as you would have treated me back home.

pat, we miss you already. niko and i have continuously praying for your success to love and be loved. marlon extends his greetings as well.

your ever faithful friend,

nicolo

Giving and Not Counting the Cost

2006-12-14T18:48:00.000+08:00

Who in the right mind will accept St. Ignatius’ veritable prayer, “The Prayer of Generosity” as it speaks of giving and not counting the cost, fighting and not heeding the wounds? Forgive me but this is one task that will take me a lifetime to fulfill.

I am not actually your average person who will give everything without taking into consideration what I have spent in the first place. When I took up Management Economics as my course, my mother swore that it was a course that befits me. No, it is not because I am good in commerce or mathematics (in fact, I despise numbers), but simply because I am the most spedthrift among the family. Over the years I have rationalized what I am on money matters: I’d rather be called “matipid”than “kuripot”. By “matipid” I discern over on goods which I consider either necessary bor a luxury. By “kuripot”, however, I do not spend even on the necessay things that would make me more humane.

But when it comes to friendship, priorities, love, passion, dedication, and leadership, price becomes irrelevant. After being in ACIL for seven years, I have come to a conclusion that being a leader costs a lot – financially, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. To become an excellent leader, one needs to shell out his own resources, sometimes find for new sources. “Kung minsan, ikaw pa ang abonado.”

My desire and belief that ACIL as a community for Christ further motivated me into being more giving to others. It had reached to the point that sacrifices were made: I didn’t join any other org, focused my efforts on ACIL alone, settled for a mediocre QPI, gave up the prospects of having a girlfriend. In trying to become faithful to the org’s vision, I sometimes wonder if my giving was too much, and would have been an excessive detriment for my welfare.

Yesterday, I had my first ever booklaunch as a contributor to a collection of essays on “striving, learning and serving.” It was a big milestone, esp., since I am a frustrated writer. I invited my family and friends to this occasion, and explained to everyone how much it meant to me for them to be there. It was my first achievement outside ACIL, but ironically about ACIL, or how I ended up the way I am today.

But only my family showed up. I was eagerly waiting for my friends, but it seemed that nobody ever tried to be there.

When I was called in front and received my complimentary copy of the book from Dr. Queena Lee-Chua, I was searching for my friends in the lightly-densed crowd. Finally, after I finished my meal, I decided to go back to the org room, dejected and disappointed.

It turned out that the people who I expected an hour and a half ago were just there doing their own stuff, as if nothing had happened. Nobody even bothered to congratulate me, nor have told me anything that would make me feel for the first time an unraveling person of dreams. At that moment, I didn’t want to exist as Nicolo the President, but as Nicolo the Writer.

But my so-called “friends” grounded me back to the reality that I am their president, the understanding and most often neglected person in the organization. My whole presidency I have never been treated as a person who has needs too, feelings and dreams, moods and goals. Except in my ranting moments with Ronnel, I didn’t feel any care for my own self. The last test was my own birthday present – the booklaunching – but nobody tried to celebrate it with me, or me.

Am I asking too much? Maybe because I have been too much of a mother-to-others that I am withheld with the right to ask for protection and comfort. I am expected to give solace, comfort, understanding, and even loving reprimands, that automatically meant motherhood for them but not necessarily for me.

Or am I giving too much? My work in ACIL for seven long and arduous years is enough a testimony of how much I believed in making Christ a living reality as our form of being light in the Lord. I have been what they call an urban legend in ACIL. My former classmates in highschool and my co-presidents in COA know me as “Nicolo of ACIL”. It is as if I am wedded and welded to an organization. Yes, I have given myself in the service of the organization. I had to answer back against my parent’s wishes . They have constantly reminded me that I am in my senior year and I should be focused on what I wanted to do after college, thesis, and other research. It was not an intensed debate though since I had achieved high marks in college, except for a few C+’s. I have repeatedly responded them how much I love ACIL and the people I encounter.

But for one solitary occasion I felt that my own fidelity abandoned me. After the booklaunch behind the seemingly smiles of triumph lies a defeated and embattled heart. Have I given too much for the one you love? I felt that everyone had truned its back away from me while I bitterly swallowed loneliness.

To give and not to count the cost. How could I not notice when after giving so much not an ounce of recognition comes back? Should I be convinced that I will forever be the “abonado”? I am not asking for a reward, but as a person with feelings, I am pleading for sensitivity in their hearts, a little concern for the welfare of others.

A friend later consoled my disbelief and sorrow, and said “It is not because of them you have achieved but because of you.” Partly true. Though I have achieved because of my own doing, the content of my achievement was because of them. And being on the top of the world for at least two hours was the loneliest triumphant milestone.

That afternoon, I was really reflecting on whether I should join the carolling with ACIL. After all, they do not recognize you as they are still self-absorbed by their own gratuities. I eventually did anyway because despite how much “abonado” you already are with them, I still love them.

In Class

2006-12-14T09:46:00.000+08:00

nakikihiram ako ng laptop ngayon kasi uber boring ng class ko ngayon. the class is on knowledge management and i just finished giving a presentation on patents. specifically international law on patents. pero hindi hahaba ang discussion kung hindi sabat ng sabat yung prof namin. yung normal 15 minutes naging 35 minutes.

antagal ko na palang hindi nagbablog. haha. tapos kung minsan hindi pa matino yung isinusulat ko. oh well.

mahaba pa tong class na to pero feeling ko nakatingin na sa akin yung prof namin. gtg. :)

wow...hecticness to the max

2006-10-10T20:38:00.001+08:00

halos hindi ako makahinga ngayong semester na to.

sabi nila, ang senior year daw ang pinakamagaang year kasi patapos na ang lahat.

not.

nung high school ako, kala ko napagdaanan ko na ang bawat sakit at hirap ng pag-aaral kaya naman dapat pagdating ng college madali na lang to sa akin.

not.

as i look back into my life 4 year ago, i miss the days when i was still young and wrinklefree. Now I am proud to say that I have more white hair strands, deep, swelling eyebags and a big tummy.

kalahati na pala ng taon.

nasa last semester na ako bago magtungo sa finish line.

kahit hindi first, basta makaabot sa finish line.

huling hirit na to sa aking college life. make it the best.

wow...hecticness to the max

2006-10-10T20:38:00.000+08:00

niks

2006-09-08T21:08:00.000+08:00

hi niks.

so kumusta naman? lam mo na, dyan sa kinalalagyan mo. im sure wherever you are, masaya ka na dyan.

i have been longing to talk to you. ang dami kong gusto ikwento sa iyo. ang dami ko ring mga reklamo na gusto ko lang ipasa. at marami rin akong mga pangarap na matagal mo na sigurong gustong marinig.

but looking through the glass, i just couldn't help but miss you...and cry.

but again, you have always told me not to cry. you once reprimanded me for crying over matters. in any problem, you seemed to have a brighter side of things: "Look on the brighter side...". Here you go again, sa loob-loob ko. It was only handling org responsibilities did I realize that that magic clause is very powerful.

i miss our old company. remember the antipolo boys? we used to hang out at your house, play video games, visit to the mall and play slot cars, and eat a lot. Do you still remember the old chocolates tita rose gave you as a gift in june, and still frozen and intact in your fridge in december? ibang klase ka rin...you do not want to eat the food given to you as gifts by other people. and ang daya mo...lagi na lang kaming naghahang sa inyo. kung sabagay, kayo lang ang may access sa pool. haha. we used to gang up on lionel and torture him in the pool. paano ba naman kasi, rumarampa pa sa pool, akala mo model ng project runway. hahaha.

i miss you as a classmate. yes, you got spectacular grades while balancing the act as our president. mahilig ka talagang mambola. i still have your short story and some of your papers back in grade school...namumukadkad sa flowery words and icing-coated sentences. and do you still that traumatic soiree? i saw you disheartened by what happened, but in order not to affect the many guests, you posited a smile and pretended that everything was all right.

i miss you as a friend. there were things i could not confide to some people, which you could only handle. the biggest of which is my fear of joining any organization. and thanks to you, look at me where i am now. kung dati kuntento na sa pagiging member, now it seems that i have an obligation to set things in the right direction, and to create space for growth for my org.

i miss you niks, sobra-sobra.

dami ko pa kwento sa yo. dami ko gusto sabihin. hindi ko na lang talaga alam kung paano ko sisimulan.

niks, sabi mo sa kin dati gusto mo ring maging teacher, tapos sabay tayong magtuturo. i guess mag-isa na lang ako ngayon.

pero lam mo, hindi ako nag-iisa, because for me, you exist but in a different form. the friends that i currently have in ACIL who committed themselves in teaching will be my companions. through them i will always be remembered that you exist not in the same form as before. kahit minsan inaaway ako ng mga to, like we used to do, they will always remain to be very dear to me.

niks, salamat sa iyo. maraming, maraming salamat sa iyo.

ang iyong kaibigang maluwalhating nagdadalamhati,

nicolo

2006-08-23T17:56:00.000+08:00

to the nursing students who took the exam this june,

at the end of the day, whether you choose either to retake or not retake the bar exams, it is the companies and hospitals who will decide whether they will accept you or not. these companies will (normally) have the final say on your employment.

the grief that you all show are also the concerns of the people who have shown support for you. do not disappoint them. do what you think is right.

------------------------

i was watching the news how many nursing students wept over the temporary restraining order on the nursing exam students, and i could not help but let out a big sigh in disbelief on how desperate we Filipinos are in finding shortcuts on issues that practically involve life. Nursing is a vocation which takes care of human life, and our disposition should also be a careful one, not to accept nursing students who are not qualified.

we are a country whose biggest export is labor, particularly skilled workers in the field of nursing and caregiving. With the issue on the Filipino streets, it has eventually reached the hospitals of New York, Milan and London. To build a reputation, they say, takes years, but to destroy the trust takes a second.

nakakatakot ito. Paano kung isang araw nagkaroon ng leakage sa licensure ng mga teachers at i-ban tayo sa US, o sa civil engineering at i-ban tayo sa Dubai, o sa architecture at i-ban tayo sa Saudi? The chances of us getting decent jobs abroad becomes bleak, lest we tolerate cheating.

We have been already known for political killings, unqualified leadership, incredible elections, and unbelievable graft and corruption. Let us spare the nurses who desire an honest living and a decent job by keeping your filthy hands off them.

--------------------------
sinusubaybayan ko yung articles recently ni Isagani Cruz and Manuel Quezon III because apparently they have been "fighting" about tolerance on homosexuality. It's funny when two intelligent people fight: they use reason over reason until everything seems to be rationalized through deep and seemingly sophisticated vocabulary.

tama yan, then afterwards, kiss and make up naman.
-------------------------
i have been sleep-deprived for the past two days.

the papers were all but terrible to begin with, and being the OC that I am, I had to redo it by starting from scratch. sinabayan pa ng pagreview sa mga long test, lalo na sa eco. wala na nga akong natutunan, wala pa akong maintindihan. arrrgh.

today, i had to cram our business model for LS.

BUSINESS MODEL yun. katumbas ng isang part sa thesis paper yun.

no wonder i get so many white strands of hair on my head.

next stop

2006-08-10T21:08:00.000+08:00

now showing this week:

long test in TH141
orals in TH 141
consultation in POS 100
consultation in PH 104
social dev project in EC 177

next week's preview:

POS 100 presentation
POS 100 paper
social dev project in EC 177
group exercises in EC 177

well, enjoy life.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

malapit na pala ang creative pic shooting. yehey. at may naisip na akong creative pic.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

may mga taong manhid, given na yun. yung iba talagang walang dahilan na basta hindi. pero point is, hindi mo sila makokontrol. so ano ngayon ang gagawin mo?

im not saying that you are right, nor you are wrong, pero kahit na anupamang mangyari, kailangang buo pa rin tayo. we can make this through. tulad ng sinabi ng kaibigan natin, it can be both a blessing and a curse. What matters is how we view on these things, and how we deal with it.

don't lose hope. andito pa rin naman ako. handang makinig.

Lost in the Labor of Love

2006-07-28T16:44:00.000+08:00

To you whom my heart yearns

To love is to labor

It begins
with a sweet seed of desire
after a second of looking at you
stalking in search of you
following in the dark corridors
under your shadows

Then a twitch
with your name
the ice breakers
and facade impressions

Soon it grows,
after spending some time with you,
knowing you,
liking you.

The seed becomes growth
the empty womb glows in warmth

There were failed impregnations in the past
aborting when discouraged
when decided not to go on
when afraid to move.

I choose to continue
as I walk down with you,
talk to you,
be with you.

And after weeks, months or even years of growth,
the time has come to give labor.

That in telling you
how much this growth
within my heart brings joy to me
I grow stronger
and afraid,
yet excited.

To love is to labor,
that in agony
I am to be a parent of our love.

Yes, ours.

That all the pain of pushing
and grasping
and breathing
and struggling

Accept the child that is ours.

fuzbol

2006-07-04T16:52:00.000+08:00

YEY!!!

ITALY IS IN THE SEMIS!!!

FORZA AZZURI!!!

syempre biased. kasi deep down in my heart, isa akong italian na nahiwalay at napadpad dito sa pilipinas. aysus.

Sono vivace di grupo azzuro! Forza azzuri! Viva l'italia!!!

Noi amabiamo tu molti tutti!

The Philippines I Love

2006-07-03T19:03:00.000+08:00

dear "Jules":

nagsasawa na ako sa pagmumukha mo.

nakakaramdam ka ba na isinusuka ka na pero pilit mo pa ring ipinagsasaksakan ang sarili mo sa bituka ng mundo? well, it's very typical and predictable of you. para kang linta na hindi makuntento sa dugo na sinipsip.

hindi lang siguro ako ang nagsasalita, marami rin. pero walang boses ang iba dahil nahihiya nga sa iyo.

may delicadesa pa rin naman kasi kami e. ikaw, wala.

get a life. stop haunting us.

**********************************

wooohoo!!! immersion ko na this friday!!! excited na ako dahil maganda yung sector na pupuntahan ko (farmers) at medyo malayu-layo ang lalakbayin (sa samal, bataan). Since I started studying in college, I have always been interested in the dynamics of the agricultural sector. In all aspects, the agricultural sector has a lot of things to offer. and matuto ako kung paano magtanim ng palay (great. magdadala na ako ng bengay kasi tiyak, sasakit uli ang likod ko...).

dati, noong bata pa ako (well, bata pa rin naman ako e), may palayan kami sa bicol. binenta namin ito kasi hinaharass na kami ng mga NPA (kwento ng lolo ko). Ang sabi naman ng nanay ko, hindi daw profitable ang mga lupain doon kaya in the end, binenta na rin.

**********************************

Pero noong bata ako, gusto kong magkaroon ng mga lupa kung saan pwede ako magtanim ng mga ubas (parang sa France), mga bulaklak (parang sa Baguio) at mga gulay at prutas (parang sa Tagaytay at Baguio). At tulad ng sinasabi ng aking mga magulang, kaya ko yun kung mag-aaral ako nang mabuti. Ang tanong, saan sa Pilipinas ako magtatanim?

Favorite spots na napuntahan ko sa Pilipinas:

1) ILOCOS SUR. one can I say? the first time I set my eyes on that place, I fell in love with it. The old structures, house and churches were more than dazzling...it's historical. Outside Vigan City are lands that have the potential in planting root crops, orchards and rice fields.

2) CAGAYAN. Another great province which has a big potential in terms of agriculture. Tobacco remains to be its number one product. I saw hectares and hectares of land of tobacco, but not so much on palay.

3) BOHOL. Great for leisure purposes but not for agriculture. Some of my friends will confirm how much I love Bohol through the native shirts that I always wear.

4)ILOCOS NORTE. again, a marvelous province. The old churches caught my attention and for each old church that I saw, we had to stop to take a picture.

5) SAGADA. Lovely, lovely place. Great place to have strawberry plantations...and marijuana too. (Do you know it's legal to plant marijuana in Sagada? ;) )

***********************************

Hindi ako nakahabol sa surprise reunion namin for D2003. Haaay. So sad. :( Grabe naman kasi ang sked at ang venue...huhuhu. Til december na lang mga comrade!

Uncertainties

2006-06-24T12:13:00.000+08:00

I have been rejected twice for the beginning of the semester by my own blockmates. I am not surprised actually. I just wanted a concrete confirmation that I am indeed a black sheep of the block.

Four years ago, I have envisioned that these people will be my groupmates until the final business project (similar to the thesis of other courses). By the end of the first year, a lot of people moved away from the once "clickish" (is the spelling right?) block. I remember the days when block lunches, block parties, block walks were the rage. We used to create email almost everyday on where to eat, what to do, etc. Now, the egroups almost never existed. What happened?

As the weeks and months progressed, I soon discovered how some people manage to be wolves under sheeps' clothing. They started talking behind other people's backs. OK na sana kung hindi ko naririnig e, kaso lang, nakakaabot sa akin kung ano ang pinagsasabi nila. Worse, I heard nasty news which are not even true about me, about other people, all coming from a group source. By the end of the first semester of my freshman year, I gradually distanced myself from the block trying to explore other more meaningful relationships.

Then I (re)discovered ACIL. I eventually made new friends, discovered possibilities, explored options. Life changing talaga. I found real people at real situations which made my stay more comfortable.

Today, we chose our groupings for the final business project. I was left out by my block, and was (sort of) forced myself into joining with the people who I do not usually encounter. Inside, I was crying, not out of joy but in deep agony and anguish. But I was immediately reminded of what a real good friend of mine told me: A good companion is someone who would accompany you to the end no matter what. The test of true companionship is when the danger is posed, the both of you can see the opportunity.

I paused for a moment and thought of the people who accompanied me reach my goals despite the hazards of going there. And yes, it is with them that I have found an arduous desire to keep our friendships intact and growing. I am so happy that despite everything, I have a lot of friends to thank for.

And for my new group, yes, kaya natin ito. We have the whole year to know and believe in each other. We may have disagreements along the way, but hey, it builds character and growth for all of us. :)

Random Thoughts

2006-06-22T22:18:00.000+08:00

i enjoy the subjects that i have this semester. finally, subjects that are really interesting in nature and which i really love.

i got a great prof for philippine history, a significant syllabus and instructors for my eco class, a rendering prof for th 141, a cool course on educ psych, an interesting philo of ethics, and a concrete and grounded class on pol sci. the only subject that i dread is my thesis class. total 21 units.

*****************************

this semester, papayat ako.

my classes are located in only four areas: Bellarmine, Faura, CTC and COM Dept. I am so lucky that going to COM dept would not require walking from Bel. But every t-TH, I have to go to Bel twice a day (one in the morning and the other in the late afternoon).

Walking is good for the health. But not good for someone who has a lot of books to bring behind his back.

*****************************

Para sa iyo: hinahanap kita sa misa kanina. I guess talagang sumuko ka na rin sa pangangaral ko sa iyo. Parang hindi na kita kilala ngayon. Hindi ako galit. Masama lang ang loob.

Don't pick up that phone. At huwag mo na siyang tawagan pa. Gumagawa ka lang ng gulo.

well, so far...

2006-06-12T22:49:00.001+08:00

it's been almost a month since I started updating this blog. grabe, ang hirap pala kapag pangit ang internet connection + processor ng computer mo. haaay.

********

I have a nasty habit of crying whenever I am happy. I cried almost the entire time I was in bed before I fell to sleep after the ACIL Formsem. The stress, work, deep eyebags were worth it. Nakita kong masaya yung council e. Sobrang saya nila.

Share. I saved the text message of my fellow council member about his mom appreciating the work we were doing in ACIl because of the ACIL council kit that really looks professional. Kahit mom ko nga she commented on it na it's for corporate seminars. Yung pagod ko na magdala ng lahat ng binders, manila papers then painstakingly organize them til the wee hours of the night was all worth it because of a single compliment.

ACIL formsem. Late ako pumunta sa aming designated meeting place, kaya the whole scheduled shifted as well. I was amazed of myself because for the first time in my history as an obsessive-compulsive, I did not freak out of the time. I tried to be as flexible as I can. And hey, hindi sila napressure.

Many thoughts for my second to the last formsem in ACIL. "Balutin Mo Ako." Rica and Kia's Pasta. Langaw (pero walang tatalo sa langaw ng Zambales!!!). Team Player. Kwentuhan moments. Monopolu and Desperate Housewives Marathon. The "Mas Gwapo Pa ang Patay Kong Kuko kesa sa Iyo" Moments. Basta Andami.

That's why I cried. Sobrang salamat sa mga pumunta at tumulong sa Formsem. Haaay.

*******************
Tons of work to do. Sunud-sunod ang mga meetings ko since last week. From COA to CSI-Ateneo to SOA. Minsan napaghahalo ko yung mga agendas dahil hindi ko na rin alam kung ano yung pinag-uusapan.

Hirap maging president. Swear.

My mom asked me one day out of nowhere. "Anak, bakit ka pa kasi nag-president? 4th year mo na at dapat focused ka na sa ginagawa mo."

Pause.

Bakit nga ba? Is it because of the ideals of the vision and mission which attracted me to stay? The barkada? The people? The community?

When I was in high school, I was disillusioned by the workings of the publications cluster. I was a writer for an illustrious magazine which did not permit me to publish any of my articles because of its "highly offensive and rebellious nature." I was searching for better orgs such as the film industry or the history club (oo na, nerd kasi ako sa history). Two of my best friends pulled me to join ACIL. Tanong ko, what can I profit from that? Teaching kids? Would i enjoy ba? Sabi sa kin, just join and give it a try.

Ayun. That was the start of a long and lasting relationship with ACIL. I soon became president of ACIL high school, started introducing numerous activities and programs that would help build the soon-to-be crumbling organization. I introduced programs that up to now the ACIL high is still using. My council then called that stage "The Golden Year" of ACIL. We ended up garnering two awards for best in empowerment and commitment in the annual organization awards.

I was persuaded by some of the ACIL "gurang" seniors to join ACIL when I stepped to college. Haha. I was determined to find other orgs because I had more liberty, more freedom. I could have chosen to be active in my other orgs, pero I still stayed in ACIL. Dito ko naibuhos yung efforts ko the most.

But there also came a point na nadisillusion na ako. Parang ayaw ko na sa org na to. In the middle of everything, I had to take a month's leave from my duties. To rethink, and to retreat.

And para kang goma...mas lalo mong hinihila, mas lalong masakit kapag bumalik. Mas matindi ang impact.

And now, andito na ako. Why be a president when you can become an ordinary council member and leave others to problem bigger issues? I have long prayed to make me the best of who I currently am. Now, I am learning how to pray for who I still can become.

And whenever I am with ACIL, I cry.

**************************

Chorus ng Bituing Walang Ningning:

Balutin mo ako sa hiwaga ng iyong pagmamahal
Hayaang matakpan ang kinang na di magtatagal
Mabuti pa kaya'y maging bituing walang ningning
Kung kapalit nito'y walang paglaho mong pagtingin

Itago mo ako sa lilim ng iyong pagmamahal
Limutin ang mapaglarong kinang ng tagumpay
Sa piling mo ngayo'y ako'y bituing walang ningning
Nakukubli sa liwanag ng aking pag-ibig

******************

eto ang aking napakagandang class schedule (na hindi ko alam kung magiging sarcastic ako o hindi):

TUESDAYS and THURSDAYS:
730-900: Hi 166: Philippine History. Ms. Josefina Hofilena.
130-300: Ec 177: Theory and Practice of Social Development. Mr. Philip Arnold Tuano.
300-430: Ph 104: Foundations of Moral Values: Dr. Rainier Ibana
430-600: Ed 134: Educational Psychology: Ms. Leyson Hope
600-730: Th 141: A Catholic Social Perspective on Theology: Mr. Jaime Acevedo

WEDNESDAYS and FRIDAYS:
130-430: Pos 100: Politics and Governance: Mr. William Panlilio

SATURDAYS:
900-1200: LS 126: Strategy Formulation: Ms. Gilda del Rosario

*****************

Para sa iyo: Hindi ako umiiwas dahil ayaw ko sa iyo. umiiwas ako dahil nasasaktan na naman ako. Mahirap kasi na umasa uli sa iyo. Ayaw ko lang na gawin mo akong panakip-butas mo. Dumidistansya ako, kahit labag sa kalooban ko. Alam mo pa rin naman kung ano ang nararamdaman ko, pero hindi ngayon ang akmang panahon. Hindi ngayon.

well, so far...

2006-06-12T22:49:00.000+08:00

hiya

2006-05-20T14:24:00.000+08:00

last Thursday was my last day sa Senate. yey and aww. yey: tapos na ang mga requirements ko at makakapagbaksayon na ako at last. aww: wala pa yung sweldo ko.

bakit hiya ang title nito? kasi last Wednesday, nadulas ako sa LRT 1. Nadulas ako sa pagpasok ng tren, with my pwet on the floor.

Kasi naman, basa yung sahig ng pintuan dahil umulan. At dahil sa hindi naman friendly ang mga tren sa LRT 1, inassume kong kaya ng sapatos ko yung basa sa sahig. Nakalimutan ko na rin: walang tracks ang sapatos ko. Ayun.

Worse: tinitigan lang ako ng mga tao dun. Konting smirk, inside laughter at "kunwari hindi nila nakita" looks, gusto ko na alng umupo doon at umiyak. Kasi nga masakit. Kasi nga maraming nakatingin.

Composture. Kailangan aalis ako ng tren na ito with grace and poise, like I always think. So sinabi ko "Lecheng ulan. Anlakas kasi e." So sa tingin ko naman "naunawaan" ng iba kung ano ang nangyari sa akin. Bumaba na lang ako sa Doroteo Jose and walked out slowly as if walang nangyari.

Pag-uwi ko ng bahay, may malaking black prints yung pants ko. Haaay. Those were a good pair of new pants.

so andito si bianca gonzales sa opisina...great.

2006-05-10T15:31:00.000+08:00

whatever.

pumunta sa opisina si bianca gonzales dahil nagdonate ng pera from her prize sa Pinoy Big Brother. Nagpaphoto-op ang mga beneficiaries ng kanyang donation. Yung kaopisina ko na OJT din ng Ateneo kinikilig sa kanya at hindi niya maiwasang sabihin na "gusto kong magpapicture sa iyo" sa harap ng madlang tao.

gusto ko siya before siya pumasok sa PBB. I admired her intelligence and grace when she was in Y-Speak.

But with the issue on Zanjoe and Bianca....

Kaya nung pumunta siya dito, naging whatever na lang ang attitude ko sa kanya. At patuloy na kinikilig ang kasama ko.

Sarap sakalin.

bum day

2006-05-10T09:12:00.000+08:00

there are days when i go to work because i need to finish a lot of stuff. but there are days where brains are not required for the job.

today is a no-brainer day. i am just here in front of the office PC doing nothing but stare at the computer monitor.

good thing the internet connection is free.

i love the internet. hehe. i love FREE internet.

recently, my modem broke down. and because of my very tight budget, i could not afford to replace the old modem (mga 6 years na rin yung modem kong yun). kaya internetless ako sa house. umaasa ako sa free internet ng school at ng office.

i am paid to do nothing. now i understand how it feels to be bureaucratic.

or maybe i am speaking too early.

next week the senate session will resume. this means work for us interns, extending our service hours from the usual 5 pm to 7pm (or sometimes as far as 9 pm). This means that I will be pressured to create memo after memo after memo. kakaiba.

i have only a week or so to finish my required number of hours here in the senate. i am just wishing for the best.

random ramblings

2006-04-26T12:26:00.000+08:00

i hate people who boss around who pretend that they have a better position in the workplace.

i loathe people who seem to know it all whereas they are making the worst of decisions.

i bite my lips in silence in order not to create a scene. i struggle in controlling my moralistic side by faking a smile and think of thoughts that would divert my attention to more relevant things.

and i also pity for his need for attention.

let me finish my work in peace.

------------ 0O0 -------------

I still need more research to back all of my proposals for the project I am working on for my practicum. Along with a partner, I was tasked to create a bill on the civil registration system being brought to the level of the barangay. I have searched previous bills that have remained pending in the legislative library on the topic and decided to mesh them with more feasible and realistic modifications that are applicable to the real life barangay situation.

------------- 0O0 --------------

A good friend once reminded me of the purpose of my leadership. But more than the purpose, I was also reminded that it had its grassroots with the people who helped me achieve where I am: my friends. I was reminded that I am supposed to be their greatest friend, the most approachable and in fact, the most servant of friends. And yes, for the first few weeks as a leader, I seem to have failed in that.

But do not think that I am not doing anything about it. It just really bites to hear the reactions or even the parinig of my "friends" that I do not know how to blend in. But I have to swallow every inch of that. Every reaction, comment, insult or injury I have to swallow in order to humble myself, and be their servant.

Ito ngayon ang tanong ko sa inyo: nasaan kayo nung kailangan ko kayo? Kayo ang tumulak sa akin sa kung saan ako, and yet iiwan ninyo na lang ako? Where was the promise that "we are at your side all through out"? I admitted at the first day, first hour of my term that I could not do everything that you wish me to do. And I humbly admitted that I could not be the leader you expect me to be who is all kind and nice, jolly and happy all the time. And I asked for all of your help...I pleaded for your help. And what was your initial reply? --- YES.

I would have been happier if you have said NO in front of my face than saying YES and backbite me about my weaknesses. I would have appreciated if you have insulted me in front of everyone else than insult me using others' voicebox.

My true friends know this principle of friendship by heart when encountering me: A true friend has the ability to hurt the ones they love for the sake of truth. And I am saddened that up to now you don't understand what it meant.

But of course. I have to humble myself...even humiliate myself for the common good. I am struggling. I continue to struggle in order to be more pleasant to you all.

I have feelings too. I am still human.

Forgive me for the tone of my entry. Masyado na kasing mabigat sa loob ko to be it contained forever.

naduduling

2006-04-18T13:00:00.000+08:00

yay! libre internet sa office! at a price...

i have to work all day sa harap ng computer! incredible!

i started all my research on a certain health topic at nine in the morning. by three in the afternoon, i noticed that the text and images seemed to be three-dimensional. wow. naduduling na talaga ako.

i promised to bring eyedrops today...nakalimutan ko na naman.

perks of being here:
- free internet (i can check my mail, ftiendster, eklat whenever i want to!)
- nice people (thankful ako dahil the staff are so friendly and very accommodating)
- no pasok every fridays
- being here at the senator's office serving under a great senator (definitely a perk)
- free coffee (and very abundant too!)

ayun. haha. breaktime is almost over. back to work, nicolo.

yey picture!

2006-03-29T04:19:00.000+08:00

haha. ito yung MOA contract signing namin sa Senate last Monday. 25 participants kami lahat. guess kung asan ako.

1st day sa Senate

2006-03-29T03:44:00.000+08:00

i woke up at past 5 am to prepare for my Senate internship orientation.

Nag-usap kami ng bestfriend ko plus two more people near the vicinity na magkita sa MRT Santolan Station at 630 am. I was late by a couple of minutes, then we proceeded from there Recto. From Recto, we rode the LRT from Doroteo Jose to Vito Cruz. And from Vito Cruz, we rode an orange shuttle which goes directly to the Senate.

The Senate. Ah yes.

We proceeded to the Sumulong Room where our orientation was at 8 am. The whole day was spent on talks and briefing from code of discipline to the basic structure of the Senate to the different functions of each office in the Senate. Nahilo ako sa dami ng mga offices na magkakatunog ang ibig sabihin. And because baguhan, nahihilo din ako sa pagkakalay-out ng mga offices nila. Hence, when I start my work on April 17, I should expect to be lost when sent on an errand.

In the afternoon, we toured the whole Senate. I was looking forward to comparing different offices, especially those of the senators. Some salient points on their rooms:
* the best office (actually it was more of a hotel than an office) was that of Jamby Madrigal's. From the reception area (!) of her office, one could smell the aroma of potpourri and fresh roses. Her fixtures were of high Italian quality, from the ceiling to the tiles. Even the bathroom was really neat...one could actually work there!

* the most cramped office was that of Sen. Alfredo Lim. His office extends up to the hallway with exposed documents lying almost everywhere.

* the most hostile office was that of Sen. Joker Arroyo's. ayaw magpapasok. ayaw kumuha ng intern. Siya ang tinaguriang "KIA (Know it All) ng Senate".

*the most spacious was that of the Senate President. Is it because he has the highest power or is it because his body requires more space to move? I don't know.

We also got to experience a session sa Session Hall kanina. I forgot what they were discussing about. But it was funny to see the senators hopping from one table to the other, and criticizing their clothes and outfits.

Speaking of clothes, this is based on my own judgment and taste (and based on this afternoon's attendance):
Best Male Outfit: Bong Revilla
Best Female Outfit: Pia Cayetano
Most Baduy Male Outfit: Hmmm...this is hard. I am choosing between Mar Roxas and Lito Lapid.
Most Baduy Female Outfit: Loi Estrada (lumalabas ang edad ni Madame Loi through her choice of clothes)

halata bang na-bore ako kanina sa Session Hall? Haha.

************
Oo nga pala, I was assigned to Senator Companera Pia Cayetano. I really am looking forward to work for her. Kasama ko kay Sen. Pia si Sherald Aldaba (incoming IV-AB MECO) at si Ayn Buyco (incoming IV-SOSS). Haha. Si Sen. Pia ang head ng committee on environment and natural resources and health demography. Sayang at naunahan ako for Sen. Mar. Roxas (committee on trade, commerce and economics), but oh well, at least I still got one of the best in the Senate.

ang akin lang naman...

2006-03-26T22:44:00.000+08:00

meron akong pakiramdam na maraming hindi kuntento sa kanilang karaniwang kinagagalawan.

marunong naman akong makiramdam, at gustuhin ko mang gawan ng paraan sa pamamagitan ng pagpapalit sa inyong kalagayan, hindi ko magagawa.

baka makatulong: magtanong muli sa sarili --- bakit ako dinala rito sa posisyong ito? oo, may dahilan kung bakit naririto tayo sa ating kinalalagyan. kahit ayaw mo, kahit ang ibig sabihin nito ay kumain ng putik at apoy.

mayroong napakalakas na enerhiya na dumarating sa akin ukol sa kalagayan ng mga kaibigan ko. at alam kong isinusumpa ninyo itong kalagayang ito.

tandaan: hindi kayo dinala sa inyong kinalalagyan na walang dahilan. mahirap talaga, lalo na kung hindi ninyo nakuha ang gusto ninyo. pero minsan, talagang ganun. pero hindi ibig sabihin nun, hindi na paiigtingin ang inyong paglilingkod. carpe diem. seize the day. gawin ang lahat ng makakaya, di alintana ang lahat.

sana makatulong. kung hindi pa rin. kausapin ako nang personal.

sari-saring kababalaghan ngayong araw na ito

2006-03-24T00:33:00.000+08:00

medyo nagpanic ako today.

pinangako ko sa sarili ko na gigising ako ng 8 am para magawa kong matapos ang aking history paper. pero dahil sa masarap ang lambot ng kama, at hindi ko maresist na malapit na ang aking bakasyon, ayan...nagising ako ng 11 am.

things to do:
* finish history paper
* batiin blockmate ng happy birthday
* go to barbershop
* go to antipolo city government to get police clearance

*****************************
task 1: finish history paper

sa wakas, natapos ko na rin itong paper na talagang pinagpuyatan ko ng ilang araw. after ng ilan pang rejections tungkol sa topic ko, nagdecide na nga ako na gayahin na lang ang topic ng kaibigan ko, pero of course, modified. astig nga ang title e.

"In Search of Pilosopo Tasyo: Rizal, the Enlightenment and the Propaganda Movement"

Pinaghirapan kong basahin uli ang Noli Me Tangere...at itranslate sa English kung ano ang sinabi nya. Ang sarap magbungkal ng mga lumang files ko, kasi andun sa mga lumang files yung mga sources na kailangan ko for the Enlightenment. At salamat sa kaklase ko noong highschool na "nagpahiram" sa akin ng kanyang libro about the propaganda.

i am wishing for an A or B+. Beyond that sasakalin ko talaga siya.

*********************
task 2: batiin blockmate ng happy birthday

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MR LORENZ LIM! sobrang kuripot mo, manlibre ka naman!!! haha. kaibigan ko talaga ito, at kagroupmate sa halos lahat ng project. Sana pati sa thesis business plan natin ikaw din ang groupmate ko. Woohoo!

********************
task 3: go to barbershop

mukha na akong apeman. isa sa mga requirements for the student internship ay 2 1x1 ID picture. at nung tinitignan ko ang sarili ko sa salamin, mukha talaga akong apeman. up close, nakita kong marami na pala akong puting buhok. parang kelan lang at ang dami ko na kagad puting buhok.

the usual haircut. gusto ko kasing parang edgy ang look ko...pero hanggang ngayon parang hindi pa rin makuha-kuha ng barbero ko kung ano ang ibig sabihin ng "edgy". kaya ito, mukhang talampas ang buhok ko. at least hindi na apeman.

*****************
task 4: go to antipolo city government to get police clearance.

2pm na akong nagsimulang magpasama sa tatay ko para kumuha ng police clearance, isa sa mga requirements for the senate internship. sabi ng tatay ko dalhin ko daw ang ID ko. ok, so dinala ko nga. naka-pambahay lang ako at akala ko sandali lang kami. pero hindi ko alam kung saan-saan ako pupunta.

first stop: baranggay hall.

ME: miss, kukuha ako ng baranggay clearance.
MISS: required po yung following (turo sa bintanang may papel). cedula at voter's registration.
ME: magkano ang cedula?
MISS: 15 pesos.
ME: e yung voter's registration?
MISS: kunin nyo yung resibo ninyo galing sa COMELEC.
ME: San yung COMELEC?
MISS: doon sa tuktok ng bundok ng Antipolo.

Wow. masaya to. Ang baranggay hall namin ay nasa paanan ng bundok ng Antipolo. Bargain.

ME: Miss pwede bang parang duplicate copy na lang ng application ko for voter's ID?
MISS (nag-isip) sige na nga. dala nyo ba?
ME: kukunin ko sa bahay. wait lang ha.

Takbo sa bahay. Punta sa files. Yes, andun yung hinahanap ko. Dinala ko na rin ang birth certificate, baptismal certificate, at kung anu-ano pang eklat. Ayaw ko na kasi bumalik sa bahay e. Sayang sa gas.

ME: O eto na.
MISS: Baranggay clearance po --- 20 pesos.
ME: OK fine.

ME: Miss, paano mag-apply for police clearance?
MISS: punta ka ng munisipyo ng antipolo (sa tuktok ng bundok). Hanapin ninyo yung police station dun.
ME: Salamat.

Takbo naman kami sa Antipolo City...sa tuktok, kina Aligs. Hinanap namin yung bagong police station.

ME: Boss, asan po yung application para sa police clearance?
BOSS: Kelangan po itong requirements na to (turo sa papel sa dingding). Cedula, Baranggay clearance at Court Clearance.
ME: Saan po ba makakuha ng court clearance?
BOSS: Sa munisipyo ng Antipolo. Malapit sa Simbahan.

Takbo naman kami sa munisipyo. Medyo mahaba ang pila. Pero ayos na rin.

ME: Magkano ang court clearance?
CLERK: 50 pesos ho.

Bayad. Kuha court clearance. Takbo sa police station.

ME: Eto na po, cedula, baranggay clearance at court clearance.
BOSS: Kelangan ipaxerox nyo yang court clearance.
ME: Magkano magpaxerox?
BOSS: dalawampiso.

Xerox. Bigay requirements. Pinapasok sa loob.

BOSS: Ok na to. Bayad na lang ng 100 pesos.
ME: Ang mahal! (medyo napalakas yung aking remark)
BOSS: Ganun talaga. (with a smile)

Pinakuha ng picture.

BOSS: Balikan mo bukas.

ALis na ako. Para sa isang police clearance, inabot ako ng 187 pesos para lang sa isang police clearance, wala pa doon ang gasolina at oras. All in all, inabot kami ng dalawang oras. Haaaay.

Medical clearance naman ang problema ko ngayon. Magkano kaya?

takas mula sa paper

2006-03-22T11:48:00.000+08:00

ang tagal-TAGAL ko na talaga hindi nagpaparamdam. at ang dami kong kwentong hindi ko alam kung saan magsisimula. anyway, ikwento ko na lang ang latest experience ko.

katatapos lang ng lahat ng EXAMS ko. yes. tapos na ang exams ko kahapon ng gabi. isang requirement na lang at tapos na talaga ako sa semestreng ito. kaya ako tumatakas kasi sobrang wala akong motivation at inspiration para matapos itong paper na to. paano ba naman kasi ganito ang nangyari.

two weeks ago sa history class:

ME: Father A, I want to do a term paper about the Sociedad Economica de Hijos del Pais. This was your suggested topic for the class and I want to do it.

Fr. A: OK. But can you focus on the research question: What are the effects of the abolition of the tobacco monopoly? That would be very specific for your term paper.

ME: OK.

one week ago sa history class:

ME: Father A, what sources do you recommend for the topic you gave me, the one about the effects of the abolition of the tobacco monopoly?

Fr. A.: That is too big! Your topic is too general!

ME: What?! E Father, this is the research question that you have given me?!

Fr. A: Yes, but it is still too big!

***********
Yes ladies and gentlemen. Nagpaconsult ako sa iba't ibang teacher mula sa iba't ibang department para lang maghanap ng sensible topic for the term paper. Ayaw ko na magpaconsult sa kanya. Five days ago, nakahanap ng sensible topic ang kaibigan ko. Nirevise ko nang kaunti yung research question nya, at voila! Naging research question ko na rin. And yes. From the time I am writing this entry, may two days left na lang before ang deadline.

Take note: Friday ang deadline, 9pm sa Jesuit Residence. Anong say mo doon?

And don't worry. Hindi lang ako ang biktima nya. Pati yung mga cream of the crop sa klase namin ganito rin ang naranasan. Sarap talaga pag may karamay ka. Haha.

**********
Since wala nang matinong org space, naging ever-tambayan ko na ang Rizal Lib. Ngayon ko lang din narealize na isa sa mga pinakamagandang gawan ng ethnography study ang Rizal Lib. Kung bakit mas maraming natutulog kaysa sa nag-aaral, kung bakit sugapa ang tao sa pagpapaxerox, at kung bakit garapal ang iba sa pag-aagawan ng outlet para sa kanilang mga laptop. Ito ang mga nakikita ko kapag nagiging sabaw ang utak ko sa kaaral at nakatitig na lang ako sa malayo.

Ang favorite section ko sa library e yung periodicals section sa ibaba. Sophisticated ang atmosphere kahit hindi sophisticated ang mga taong nandoon. Hindi gaano malamig at sobrang tahimik. Doon lang talaga conducive ang studying...except kung may mga magasin ka ng People at kung anu-ano pang tsismis magasin sa ilalim ng libro mo.

Worst place to be in the library is the reference section. Manggigil ka talaga sa ingay, kung ikaw ang taong hindi marunong magfocus sa ginagawa tapos maingay ang iyong kapaligiran. Isang araw, tempted na akong tumayo at bigyan ng lasting lecture ang mga freshmen na nag-aaral for their math exams. kebs ko kung kailangan nilang magreview, ako ba walang inaaral? Buti na lang at naunahan ako ng librarian sa paglecture sa kanila. Maswerte sila.

Isang araw pinalayas kami sa library kasi may tumunog na fire alarm. Yung mga tao hindi nila alam kung ano ang nangyayari. At dahil nga fire alarm, expected na tumakbo ang mga estudyante. But no. Parang nasa museum sila kung lumakad. In the end, false alarm lang pala.

Ano kaya ang mangyayari kung may totoong sunog sa lib? Ano kaya ang mga librong sasalbahin ko? Unahin ko yung set ng Kasaysayan books sa reference, tapos yung isang dictionary doon tungkol sa mga philosophers. Gusto ko yung Kasaysayan series kasi hindi ako nagbabasa ng textbook namin for history class. Sobrang inconsistent ang libro nya, ang daming errors (typo at factual), pati logic na rin. Doon sa Kasaysayan series, maayos ang pagkakasulat, may order talaga, and of course, may pictures! Yung author kasi ng textbook namin e walang iba kung hindi ang professor ko, si Father A.

Gusto ko rin yung isang dictionary ng philosophers. Haha. Kailan lang kasi talaga ako nahumaling sa philosophy. Bukod sa nag-improve ang grades ko sa philo, sobrang nag-enjoy ako sa experience. Parang bawat karanasan kailangan kang magsa-rili. Wala lang. Nerd mode uli.

*****************
Excited na ako magFormsem sa ACIL. Sobrang napakarami ng preparations namin at mga gimik in store for the council. Magiging kakaiba itong formsem na ito...talagang maeemphasize ang FORM sa formsem.

*****************
Kahapon ang last test ko for the second semester. Finance exam siya and as forewarned by reliable sources from the department, mahaba siya. At matagal. At nakakayamot. Ayaw ko yung seat ko (sa Escaler) kasi napakasikip, kumbaga, not ample space for my arms and other paperwork. Kailangan kong at least maka-B+ para mahatak ang lahat ng mababa ko. Haaaay.

****************
Tanggap na pala ako as a student intern sa Senate. Woohoo!!! Simula na ng orientation namin next week. Kelan kaya ako makakapagbakasyon?

Top three choices ko na senators na gusto kong pagsilbihan:
1) Pia Cayetano - yes, sobrang hanga ako sa tatay niya at sobrang hanga ko rin sa kanya. Physically and intellectually.

2) Ramon Magsaysay, Jr. - Siya ang head ng committee on agriculture. Recently ko lang nadiscover ang passion ko for agricultural economics. Since first year, puro topics on agriculture ang kinukuha ko tapos iniinvestigate ko on different disciplines. Na-affirm ko lang ito noong kumuha ako ng subject on Development Economics na pwede na akong maging hacienderong "man-for-others".

3) Miriam Defensor Santiago - nakakaintriga kung ano ba talaga ang ginagawa ng babaeng ito. Tapos gusto ko rin malaman kung talaga bang may sarili siyang library sa kanyang office.

pero sa totoo lang for my third senator:

3) Juan Flavier - interesting person to. Sobrang nakabibilib. Ewan kung bakit. Sino ba mas matangkad sa kanila ni Ate Glo?

**************

Ayun. Sa susunod na ang kwento ko. Feeling ko ang mga susunod kong mga kwento ay tungkol na sa Senate experiences ko. Til then.

despite everything that makes me busy....

2006-03-15T16:31:00.000+08:00

i was compelled to write after seeing another blog of my friend. sasagutin ko lang siya sa naayon sa sinabi ni Emmanuel Levinas, isang pilosopong kontemporanyo,

Bahagi ng karanasan natin sa talagang totoo at talagang nangyayari ay yung pagkalungkot natin dahil hindi natin nakukuhang makontrol ang mga bagay na sana ay para sa ating ikabubuti. Bilang taong may sarili, na nagsasarili at kung minsan makasarili, hiyang ang ipaglaban ang ating mga sariling interes para sa ating ikalalago. Subalit sa kurso ng pag-iral, hindi lang tayo ang nag-iisa. May ibang tao na nakikiusap sa atin sa pamamagitan ng tanong, nasabi man ng bibig o hindi, at humihingi ng kasagutan.

At may tatlong uri ng sagot: pwedeng sumang-ayon ka ayon sa kanyang pakiusap, o hindi, o kunwari wala kang narinig o nakita. Ang pagsang-ayon sa pakiusap ng ibang tao ay kadalasan ang pinakamasakit na tugon. Kahit ayaw ng iyong kalooban. Kahit ayaw ng iyong isipan. Kahit sumisigaw na ang iyong puso na "ang tanga-tanga mo talaga". Lagi't laging siya muna, ibang tao muna.

Ganun ang gawain natin sa organisasyon. hindi ako muna bagkus, sila muna. Hindi yung sarili ko munang kapakanan, kung hindi ang kapakanan muna ng iba. Ang pagpapakatanga ng sarili nang dahil sa ibang tao ay pagpapakatao ng matinong sarili.

Doing what is good is different from doing what is right. This is what differs us from other existing beings. We humans know what is right, even if it has to kill us.

Salamat sa pag-unawa. Alam kong may dahilan kung bakit itinuro sa iyo ang ganitong direksyon. At bilang nagsasarili, ikaw lamang ang makatutuklas niyan. :)

blog i miss you!!!!

2006-02-27T00:53:00.000+08:00

sa wakas.

nakatuntong din sa blog ko. akala ko hindi ko na masisilayan ang aking blog!!!

grabe. hecticness ang buwan na ito. nasira pa ang aking computer. ayan, parasite ngayon ako sa kompyuter ng kapatid ko. ang saya talaga ng buhay.

pwe.

mukhang may malapit na magbirthday ha.... kelangan beef galore to!!! bwahahaha!

bangag moments.

welcome to me. :)

All's well that ends...

2006-02-12T17:19:00.000+08:00

well?

although mabigat ang kalooban ko kanina sa pag-alis, dapat tanggapin kung ano ang nangyari sa pagkakataong sa susunod ay hindi na mangyayari ito muli. nagpapasalamat na rin ako dahil tumpak sa sinabi ng isang kaibigan, napakataas ng kalidad ang ginawang proseso kanina. Isang manipestasyon ito na kapag may proseso, may kaayusan, sa gayon, nakikita ang daloy ng sistema. Gayunpaman, dahil sa pagsunod sa sistema, mas nauunawaan na ngayon na may mga butas pala sa sistema na kailangang bigyang tugon.

para sa mga natanggap, malugod ko kayong binabati. para sa mga hindi natanggap, marami pang pagkakataon ang naghihintay sa inyo upang mas lalong lumago. manatili at magpatuloy.

discernment

2006-02-02T00:27:00.000+08:00

it is the time of the year when I have to find myself sitting in front of the Gesu to pray and ask for moral guidance, more than once.

there may seem nothing new with that, except that this time, I am going to seek myself in light of ACIL.

napagkasunduan namin ng ibang kabatch kong council na council all the way. pero every year, may dumarating, may umaalis. hindi natutupad ang napagkasunduan.

at ngayon, ito na naman. nananawagan sa sarili na maging tahimik muli.

kaya ko pa ba?

ewan.

patulong sa paghahanap

2006-01-19T07:55:00.000+08:00

sabi ng paham sa Athenai
hangad ng tao ang maging masaya
matatagpuan hindi sa utak
kung hindi dito.
Saan?

hinanap ko sa ilalim ng unan,
wala akong nakita kung hindi
malambot na kutson, de-sedang kumot

hinanap ko sa ilalim ng kama,
wala akong nakita kung hindi
bukbuking kahoy, buhul-buhol na alikabok

hinanap ko sa kabilang bahay,
wala akong nakita kung hindi
nagtatalik na mag-asawa, mga batang nagsasabunutan

hinanap ko sa kalye,
wala akong nakita kung hinid
isang kumpol ng tae ng aso,
mga kawad na putol,
mga tambay sa umaga'y lasing na
mga labanderang nagtsisismisan
mga ulap na nangingitim

at maya-maya umulan

nasaan ang kaligayahan?

nakita mo na ba?

hagod pagod

2006-01-16T12:27:00.000+08:00

am so tired.

i have to finish a multitude of tasks.

can't sleep.

yey third year life.

binubuhay kita....

2006-01-14T12:00:00.000+08:00

mula sa paghimbing
sa kamang de seda
at unang nagsasabulak
katawang binalot sa kumot ng ginhawa
tungo sa hanging habagat
lamig at nginig
habang umuunat
sumisigaw
ang bawat buto
pati kalamnan
nawa'y
ang pagbangon
sa kamang de seda
na lumulubog sa himbing
ay hindi pagsisihan
ng katawang giniginaw
kinakatog ng hanging habagat.

Panimula...

2005-10-17T02:57:00.000+08:00

tulad ng karamihan sa ginagawa nating anumang bago, laging nagpapakilala ang sarili. Inaalis ang mga sumbrero, yuyuko hanggang sa kasintaas ng ating ulo ang ating tiyan, at iaabot ang kamay bilang tanda ng pagbati.

At kaunting daldalan ang nagsisira sa isang malaking tibag ng yelong pumapagitna sa di kilala at sa kilala.

At bago umalis, inuulit ang ritwal na magtatanggal ng sumbrero, yuyuko at iaabot ang kamay.

Sa umaasa, ngayon sa aking pagkakapanganak, hindi ako magtatanggal ng sumbrero, o yuyuko o iaabot ang kamay. Iiyak muna ako. Tulad ng isang bagong sanggol na bagong luwal na walang magawa kung hindi ang umiyak dahil sa kanyang pagkakaalis mula sa kanyang sariling mundo sa sinapupunan ng ina, iiyak muna ako. At matapos paluin ng duktor sa puwitan, iaalay sa nagmamay-ari ng sinapupunanang tinirhan ng may higit kumulang siyam na buwan.

Paano nga ba ako pinanganak? Maaaring lumabas sa hiyang na paraan, mula sa pwerta ng may-ari ng sinapupunang pinagtirahan ko, o mula sa isang malaking hiwa sa tiyan, sa bubungan ng aking mundo, o sa kahit anupamang lagusan. Tila humantong din sa iisang layunin: ang lumabas ako mula sa aking mundo tungo sa isang mas malawak na sinapupunan.

At habang nagsisimula pa lamang, iiyak muna ako. Mula sa pagkakahiwalay mula sa aking mundo, tungo sa isa pang panibagong sinapupunan. Tulad ng bagong sanggol, ako'y magmamasid, magtataka, magtatanong...kahit na mahilo sa kauunawa...at kahit paulit-ulit.

Ang lawak ng mundo. Ang rami-raming paglalagusan. Tara na biyahe tayo!